The Fables of Aesop is out now!

A Return to Χενια: The Importance of the House-Guest Relationship

In the book of Genesis, Abraham entertains three angels as honored guests and is rewarded with the promise of Isaac’s birth.  In The Iliad by Homer, Diomedes and Glaukon exchange armor and swear friendship to each other on the basis of their great-grandfathers’ guest-host relationship (χενια). In Beowulf, wanderers are treated to hearty meals and good ale in exchange for stories of their travels. They find an equal welcome in King Arthur’s court (in fact, one legend has it, no knight could sit at table during the Easter feast until a knight errant came through with a fantastical quest for them to undertake) and in the late evenings at the Ward household in Angle of Repose.

Literature and the real world are riddled with examples of the preeminence of these relationships.  Church sanctuaries stem from an acknowledgement of xenia’s traditional importance, as does the image of hospitality in the southern US. In short, throughout history up until our modern age, the centrality of “xenia” or “hospitality” has been celebrated and its principles observed. And guided by xenia, our societies were tighter-knit and happier, with more ample opportunities for good cheer, hearty conversation, and interconnectedness.

Xenia is characterized by the rules and requirements of hosting and receiving: a host, upon stepping into the role, surrenders his tastes, time, and talents to fulfill the demands and expectations of his guests. He takes the place of a servant, running around town to fetch the perfect cut of meat or around the house to prepare all of the side dishes. The menu designed does not cater to his own palate but to that of his guest. Even among equals, the host subserviates himself to the guest. A guest, on the other hand, is equally controlled by norms of politesse: he must be generous in his praise, hold a conversation that interests his host, produce a thank-you gift of some kind for the invitation, and find no fault with the dinner, regardless of its actual taste. This delicate balance of subservience on both sides, each attempting to, within the required bounds, please the other, creates strong communities that serve and support one another—xenia-filled communities.

This principle has faded from our culture and its disappearance detracts deeply from our society. Xenia offers us something beyond familial ties (the infamous Thanksgiving dinners are a wonderful example), that creates a network of strength and resilience in a community and between communities. Christ says in Luke 11: “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and a house divided against a house falleth.” What are our communities if not the miniature kingdoms into which we’ve been placed? The effects of these divisions —of the loss of xenia in our world—are evident. Never before have we seen such fractured neighborhoods and towns, where no one knows who lives next to them and front doors must be locked in broad daylight.

As a young girl, I had the opportunity to live in a neighborhood where xenia still existed. Upon our initial arrival, neighbors stopped by during their morning walks to introduce themselves. My siblings and I developed friendships with the girls across the street and to our right: we spent halcyon summer evenings running barefoot through our yards and eating hamburgers on our porches together. It was the shared meals that our parents put together that truly solidified our relationships.

We never locked our front door during the day or made a point to close our garage doors when we left the house because we knew that the families around us would keep watch, just as we would for them. I spent idyllic summer days biking the forest trails and lounging at the pool with the other swimmers. On the nights when we had swim meets that stretched until eleven p.m., my parents had no qualms about allowing me and my brother to trudge from the clubhouse to our house alone in the dark. The retinue of families doing the same would keep an eye on us. If it takes villages to raise children, it certainly takes xenia to create those villages. This nostalgic neighborhood feeling grew through the sharing of food and the complexities of Southern hospitality. Barbecues were held in backyards and poolsides, and everyone brought gifts for the host in exchange for their beer and hot dog of choice. For Halloween, the adults of our street banded together to create a pizza party for the children before they set off trick-or-treating. One year, neighbors invited my family to their Thanksgiving dinner: we stayed late into the night playing Scrabble and admiring watercolor paintings.

The guest-host relationship is best rediscovered in that of the dinner friend. Most of us won’t be hosting dignitaries from several thousand nautical miles away like the ancient Greek chiefs, nor generally hosting overnight unless it’s a close friend or extended family. But humanity has always found community around a table—around food and good cheer, as the carols and the mead halls remind us—and the bonds of xenia are created there even more potently than by running a hotel for wandering visitors. There is an old Jewish tradition that Christianity has adopted wherein an empty plate and cup are set out for the prophet Elijah every year. The children will open the front door and call for him to come enjoy a meal with the family. It is xenia that is preserved in that tradition. It is not difficult, nor time-consuming, to set out an extra plate or two on your dinner table and invite your priest over for a meal. A casual hosting of some friends or extended family for dinner takes only an extra half hour of foresight to plan a nicer meal. One more cup of flour to make an extra batch of cookies for new neighbors can blossom into a friendship. The preparation and enjoyment of food is a uniting experience, and the richness of meals together as a family and as a community ought to be cherished, treasured, and cultivated. It is the easiest way to return to the world of xenia.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related Articles