Junior: Look, I’ve heard all the reasons for studying Latin and logic, but I don’t see why this school doesn’t offer AP classes and or do something in the way of SAT prep. A little college prep wouldn’t kill anyone. Latin and logic and virtue are great and all, but at the end of the day, I need a job.
Gibbs: At the end of the day, you need a soul.
Junior: I already have a soul.
Gibbs: You already have a job, too. You bag groceries at Kroger.
Junior: I mean a good job.
Gibbs: I mean a good soul.
In upholding the idea that a good man is hard to find, classical education is poised to disturb most Christians in America, for American Christians can essentially be divided between those who believe a good man is easy to find and those who believe a good man is impossible to find. Those who believe good men are easy to find take it for granted that every baptized church attender is doing everything that God asks, thus the struggle for virtue is not necessary.
Teacher: What are the signs of a healthy classical Christian school?
In the same way the priest repairs behind the iconostasis to consecrate the bread and wine, so a celebrant of the birthday party repairs to the kitchen to consecrate the cake. The cake is ritually transformed into the body of the birthday boy or birthday girl through the lighting of candles. For every year the birthday boy has lived, one candle is lit. When all the candles are lit, the cake has become an icon of the birthday boy. The celebrant then ritually processes out from behind the iconostasis/kitchen toward the congregation of the party.
Student: Why do you let your kids read Harry Potter books?
Gibbs: Why not?
Student: St. Augustine would not have let his kids read books which made wizards out to be heroes. He would have burned those books just like the Ephesian Christians burned their books of magic in Acts 19.
Gibbs: Finally! A good argument against the Harry Potter series.
Student: What do you mean, “Finally”?
A dialogue between a manager at Food Country and a seventeen year old boy who has applied for a job.
Food Country Manager: Sorry, but based on the way your tests came back, I cannot offer you a job.
Kid: Why not? I couldn’t have failed the drug test.
FCM: Your drug test was fine, but your light scan came back hot.
Kid: My light scan?
FCM: The retina scan they did after you peed in the cup.
Kid: Yeah, what was that about?
Like most practical and common-sense claims, my thesis is also a little offensive: In the classroom, teachers should dress like teachers.
Reflexively, the reply comes: But who gets to say what a teacher looks like?
April may be the cruelest month, but Summer is the most pagan of the seasons.
If a basketball club has great uniforms, an inspiring mascot, a kind-hearted owner, a wise coach, loyal fans, and a tastefully designed stadium, but the players cannot get the ball to go through the hoop, the team will not win any games. In the same way, a classical school has to have classically-minded teachers.
Should students be taught what to think or how to think? Lest we think the question is new, we see the seeds of the debate emerge between the Epicureans and the Stoics— those who belief the chief good of man is found in the body and those who believe his chief good is found in the soul.
